Life is a series of choices. We make some we’re proud of and some we regret. Some choices haunt us and others change the courses of our lives entirely. No matter how large or small the choice, WE decided on them. We are what we have CHOSEN to be.
Have you ever just taken a pause and thought to yourself, “Wow, how did I get here?” It could be in relation to your life being more wonderful than you can even fathom, or it could be the inquiry that lingers in your sadness below the surface. Whether it be a happy or sad question, the answer is and will always be, YOU. You got yourself where you are by making a series of choices that have landed you in a great (or not so great) environment. Regardless of what your choices look like, you have complete and total control of your life and how it ends up.
With that being said, the short of it is you need to OWN your choices and work through any of the blocks below that may be hindering your ability to do so.
Dwelling on the “What-Ifs”
What if I had done this differently? Where would my life be? Could I have been in his/her shoes instead of my own right now?
This bad habit can become an easy pattern. While we’re living our own lives, we are simultaneously watching others live theirs and it’s all too easy to fall prey to the longing. In that moment you’re the outsider looking in, wishing and begging to have someone else’s circumstances. All the energy wasted coveting someone else’s life is keeping you from focusing on your own.
What are the choices you made that got you thinking, ‘what if…”? Take the time to dissect those choices and really get to the root of the self-interrogation. It is worth digging up, especially if the pesky question keeps coming up. Can you let it go? If not, it may be time to use that “what-if” as fuel to go after what you have been internally desiring.
What if I valued myself more? What if, as a young adult, I had allowed myself to have what I DESERVED instead of just what I thought I deserved? How different would my life be today?
What-ifs have a way of consuming you if you let them. I’m not in a bad place in my life, but sometimes it’s overwhelming nonetheless. Clearly, it’s pretty easy to get caught up in all of that! Instead I choose to be grateful for what I DO have. I choose to make the most of the wonderful people I have in my life. I choose to be better to myself than I have been in the past, because frankly, I deserve it.
Repeating Unhealthy Cycles/Thought Patterns
Sometimes there are stories we tell ourselves that stem from buried insecurities (or maybe even surface insecurities). We repeat these stories over and over again and have no idea how intensely they impact how we behave, how we react, and how we adjust to milestones in our lives. Detrimental cycles have a way of coming back around and destroying things that we love, and these sequences stem from unhealthy thought patterns.
Badiana’s Old Cycle
Let me tell you an unhealthy thought that I repeated over and over to myself for years: I’m not cut out for marriage.
As a young 20-something-year-old, I got really great at the independent woman thing – awesome job, nice things, socialite by night, and the added bonus of always being able to take care of myself. Men were fun to have for companionship, but not that necessary. Then I moved to Australia and met a best friend that is now my husband, Prash. What a whirlwind that was for me. It took an extremely emotional conversation with a dear friend to shed light on the fact that I never choose love. This time, I should choose love.
To this day, being truly, madly, deeply in love terrifies me at times. I constantly have to remember dependency is necessary in a marriage; a need to be comfortably raw and vulnerable with my spouse. I sometimes still struggle with adapting to that level of dependency and vulnerability. However, I own my choice of choosing marriage, even if my deepest insecurities creep up and tell me I am not cut out for it. Six years in and I am still learning every day that I am more than cut out for it after all. Choosing Prash is still one of the best decisions I have made.
Getting Stuck in the Past
Are you reliving your past in cycles, just rinsing and then repeating the same sequences but in different circumstances? Are you unable to let go of various situations that happened to you in your past in order for you to be present today? If so (and you don’t like what your past looked like), you could be living your own nightmarish Groundhog Day over and over and over again.
The choices you made are done. There’s no going back now and changing them at this point. The only thing you can do is learn from what you’ve done and use that to influence the choices you make from here on out. You can’t see the beautiful things your future holds in store for you if you’re stuck in your mistakes of the past.
Everything that has happened in your life thus far has led you to where you are today. Own all of it!
Every mistake you make, you learn from. Every person you’ve encountered has left an impact. Each bridge you’ve burned or door you’ve closed has created a new access route. Every bump in the road has given you character.
Embrace the past, own your choices, look forward to the future, and continue to Decide Bliss.